Before a gig, the bandleader calls the female singer over to him and tells her,
"Tonight, when we do 'Night and Day,' I want you to sing the second verse first,
and then break into the bridge one bar earlier than usual. Transpose the bridge
up a minor third, but then back down again for the last three bars of it. Then
add a 5/4 bar going back into the FIRST chorus, singing on only off-beats.
During the sax solo, go to the bridge a bar-and-a-HALF too early, interrupting
the solo, finish the first verse, go to the coda a bar late, and then keep
singing for a full 3 beats after the band has ended."
Her eyes widen and
she says, "That's way too hard, I can't do all that."
He says, "You did
it last night!!
So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor. I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT !".
But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you", and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird, and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says: "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.
Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"
How the fights start - Matrimonial Bliss!
My wife sat down on the seat next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
******************************************
My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"
while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have 5ex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
******************************************
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
******************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get so stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started.....
*****************************************
My wife was hinting
about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150
in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started ...
******************************************
When I got home last night,
my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive...
so, I took her to a Gas station.
And then the fight started...
******************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion,
and I kept staring at a drunken lady
swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, "Do you know her?"
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago,
and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife,
'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
******************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason took my order first.
"I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
******************************************
A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and set
about nailing it to a post on the edge of
his yard. As he was driving the
last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into
the eyes of little boy.
"Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your
puppies."
"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of
his neck, "These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of
money."
The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his
pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the
farmer.
"I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a
look?"
"Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle.
"Here, Dolly!" he called.
Out from the doghouse and down the ramp
ran
Dolly followed by
four little balls of fur.
The little boy pressed his face against the
chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight. As the dogs made their way to
the fence, the
little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse.
Slowly
another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it
slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling
toward
the others, doing
its best to catch up...
"I want that one," the little boy said,
pointing to the runt. The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and
said,
"Son, you don't
want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other
dogs would."
With that the little boy stepped back from the fence,
reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers.
In doing so he
revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a
specially made shoe.
Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see
sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who
understands."
With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked
up the little pup.
A Nice Tail to tell!
Holding it carefully he handed it
to the little boy.
"How much?" asked the little boy. "No charge,"
answered the farmer, "There's no charge for love."
The world is full of
people who need someone who understand Friendship!
|
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RED MARBLES I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes. I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily appraising a basket of freshly picked green peas. I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes. Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me. 'Hello Barry, how are you today?' 'H'lo , Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them peas. T hey sure look good..' 'They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?' 'Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time.' 'Good. Anything I can help you with?' 'No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas.' 'Would you like to take some home ?' asked Mr.. Miller. 'No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with.' 'Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?' 'All I got's my prize marble here.' 'Is that right? Let me see it' said Miller.. 'Here 'tis. She's a dandy.' 'I can see that. Hmmmmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home ?' the store owner asked. 'Not zackley but almost..' 'Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble'.. Mr. Miller told the boy. 'Sure will. Thanks20Mr. Miller.' Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me.. With a smile she said, 'There are two other boys like him in our community, all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever. When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, when they come on their next trip to the store..' I left the store smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A short time later I moved to Colorado , but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering for marbles... Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one.. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that Mr.. Miller had died. They were having his visitation that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them. Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could. Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts...all very professional looking. They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket. Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her, and moved on to the casket. Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one; each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes. Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and reminded her of the story from those many years ago and what she had told me about her husband's bartering for marbles. With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket. 'Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about. They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim 'traded' them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about color or size.....they came to pay their debt.' 'We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world,' she confided, 'but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho.' With loving gentleness s he lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles. The Moral: We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds.. Life is not measured by the breaths we take , but by the moments that take our breath.... Today I wish you a day of ordinary miracles ~ A fresh pot of coffee you didn't make yourself..An unexpected phone call from an old friend...Green stoplights on your way to work......The fastest line at the grocery store...A good sing-along song on the radio...Your keys found right where you left them Send this to the people you'll never forget. I just Did.... If you don't send it to anyone, it means you are in way too much of a hurry to even notice the ordinary miracles when they occur. IT'S NOT WHAT YOU GATHER, BUT WHAT YOU SCATTER THAT TELLS WHAT KIND OF LIFE YOU HAVE LIVED |
This is fascinating!
Woody Woodpeckers..........
A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.
The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.
The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeckable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.
The two flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeckable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.
Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?
After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:
Apparently, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home..
The hairdryer Getting a hairdryer through customs... A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland
asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a avour?" "Of course child What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair
dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs
limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it.. Is there any way you could carry
it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." When they got to Customs, she let the priest go
ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare." The official thought this answer strange, so asked,
"And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used
on a woman, but which is, to date, unused." Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!" |
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
Keep reading-they get better!!!
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to
purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a
television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally..'
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women..
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and
dislikes.'
He addressed the man,
'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's
Pillsbury, isn't it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife..
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of
string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for
your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day....
30,000 The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men...
'
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning..
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that
the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at
the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to
wake him at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she
would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he
had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece
Is it a Frog, no it's a Horse, no it's a frog!
and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him
with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots.
He arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks
'Why in the world are you walking around like this?'
The cowboy says,
'Well it's like this Sheriff ... I was in this bar down the road
and this pretty little redhead asks me
to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top and
asks me to pull off my shirt... So I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and
asks me to pull off my pants ... so I did.
Then she pulls off her panties and
asks me to pull off my shorts, so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and
looks at me kind of sexy and says,
'Now go to town cowboy..'
'And here I am.'
Son of a Gun ~~~
Blonde Men do exist!!!
Ole vas vorking at the fish plant up nort in Duluth
vhen he accidentally cut off all ten of his finkers.
He vent to da emergency room in the Clinik and vhen he
got dar da Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said,
"Let's have da finkers and I'll see vhat I can do."
Ole said, "I haven't got da finkers."
"Vhat do you mean, you hafen't got da finkers?" he
said. "Lord, it's 2008 and Ive's got microsurgery and
all kinds of incredible techniques. I could hafe put
dem back on and made you like new! Vhy didn't you
brink da finkers?"
Ole says......."How da heck vas I suppose to pick dem up?
One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing.
He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church.
During mass, he asked the congregation, 'Has anybody got a cock?'
All the men stood up.
'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?'
All the women stood up.
'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?'
Half the women stood up.
'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?'
Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.
The priest fainted.
A
crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local
liberal arts college.
There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic
ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for
conversation.
'Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious
man. Is something bothering you?'
'Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.'
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, 'It looks like
you have seen a lot of action.'
'Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.'
The young
lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, 'You know, you should
lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.'The Sergeant Major just
stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, 'You know, I
hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had
sex?'
'1955,
ma'am.'
'Well, there you are No wonder you're so serious. You really need to
chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!
She took his hand and led him to a
private room where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times
Afterwards,
panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, 'Wow, you sure
didn't forget much since 1955.'
The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, 'I hope not ; it's only 2130 now.
He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt. As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silver back gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy.
He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and 2 feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink Dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom.
She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.
This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips. Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut.
"Now. Tell HIM you have a headache."
A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house.
She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her
daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.
Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
'What are you doing?' she asked.
'I'm waiting for Justin to come home from work.' The daughter-in-law answered.
'But you're naked!' the mother-in-law exclaimed.
'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in-law explained.
'Love dress? But you're naked!'
'Justin loves me to wear this dress,' she explained.
me for hours.'
The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume,
dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.
'What are you doing?' he asked.
'This is my love dress,' she whispered, sensually.
'Needs ironing,' he said, 'What's for dinner?'
'Mum, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?'
Her mum replies 'No, because she is on heat.'
'What does that mean?' asked the child.
'Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage.'
The little girl goes out to the garage and says, 'Dad, can I take Lulu for a
walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on the heat,
and to come ask you.'
He took a rag, soaked it in petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it
to disguise the scent, and said 'Ok, you can go now, but keep Lulu on the
leash and only go one time around the block.'
The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the
leash..
Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Lulu?'..
'Well, pastor, it looks like you will have to think again,' says the chairman. 'Would you like to close the meeting in prayer?'
So the minister stands up, raises his hand to heaven, and prays, 'Lord, will you not show these people that this is not MY vision but it is YOUR vision!
At that moment, the clouds darken, thunder rolls, and a streak of lightning bursts through the window and strikes in two the table at which they are sitting, throwing the minister and all the elders to the ground.
After a moment's silence, as they all get up and dust themselves off, the chairman speaks again.
'Well, that's fourteen votes to two then...'
Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they
watched their pennies.
Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to
the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare
vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates, and St.. Peter escorted them inside.
He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks,
with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A
maid could be seen hanging their favourite clothes in the closet.
They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven
This will be your home now.'
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why,
nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'
The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a
championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built
'What are the greens fees?,' grumbled the old man.
'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with
every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks
to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.
'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to the man. This is Heaven, it is
all free for you to enjoy.'
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife
'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the
decaffeinated tea?,' he asked.
much as you like of whatever you like and you will never get fat or
sick. This is Heaven!'
The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at?'
'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.
'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'
'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'
The old man glared at his wife and said,
'You and your damm bran Flakes....
He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and go on it again.
Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes
sitting in it.
He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help.
The hottest girl said ,"If you fix our car we will do anything you want."
The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash.
When he finished THE three girls asked, "How could we ever repay you?
After thinking for a short while he replied,
"Could you hold my camel?"
buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde
genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The
guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear. The next thing
the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50
stunningly beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to
explore the house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He
looks down and notices the floor is covered in £50 notes. Next, there's a
knock at the door, so he answers it! Standing there are two people dressed
in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw
a rope over a sturdy Limb and hang him by the neck until dead. As the
Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods. It's the two blonde
genies! One blonde genie says to the other, "I can understand the first
wish. having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.
I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire. But, why he wanted
to be hung like a black man is beyond me."
They got behind a very fat woman wearing a business suit complete with pager.
As they waited patiently, the little boy said loudly, 'Gee, she's fat!'
The mother bent down and whispered in the little boys ear to be quiet.
A couple of minutes passed by and the little boy spread his hands as far as they would go and announced; 'I'll bet her butt is this wide!'
The fat woman turns around and glares at the little boy. The mother gave him a good telling off, and told him to be quiet.
After a brief lull, the large woman reached the front of the line.
Just then, her pager began to emit a beep, beep, beep.
The little boy yells out,
'Run for your life, she's reversing!!
Well. Here we are. I hope you
enjoyed this short selection of Jocularity. It's good to be Happy!
Have a nice Day.................
